“I Don’t Want to Go to School” - Nerves, or Avoidance?
As summer slowly draws to a close, many of us will be returning to the classroom and opening up textbooks that we haven’t touched in months. For some, this is just the usual routine, maybe even something that you look forward to. For others, the beginning of the school year is a time marked by anxiety, stress, and worry. Some degree of nervousness is normal when someone embarks on a new journey; however, for some students, school anxiety spirals into school avoidance or refusal.
Unlike truancy, which is a non-attendance of school without good reason, school avoidance/refusal is a pattern of behavior that stems from the experience of deep fear, anxiety, or general emotional dysfunction over attending school. These intense feelings may develop into chronic absenteeism, which can deepen a student’s feelings of shame and a parent’s feelings of frustration and confusion.
Though avoiding school may temporarily soothe the student’s intensely negative feelings, it is not the solution. In fact, avoidance may make the anxiety worse, in what’s known as the “vicious cycle of anxiety.” By avoiding the stressful situation (school) and seeking temporary relief in avoidance, you reinforce the fear; in other words, your mind is strengthening the belief that “school is something to be afraid of, and must be avoided at all costs.”
Instead, it is important to address the anxiety. First, think about what might be contributing to the avoidance. This could include things like:
Social anxiety
Are you having trouble making friends, participating in class, or being around others due to social anxiety?
Bullying
Is school beginning to feel like an unsafe environment?
Perfectionism
Is fear of failure holding you back from even trying?
Mental health
Maybe you’re feeling depressed, have general anxiety, or are experiencing psychological symptoms that are unfamiliar and scary.
Academic issues
Are you having trouble organizing yourself, completing assignments, focusing during class, or performing academically the way that you would like?
Family issues
Is there something going on at home that is sapping your energy, making school just “too much” to handle?
Health issues
Is there something about being in school that is affecting your physical health?
Or is there something else going on?
Thinking about what is creating this avoidance of school is crucial to changing our pattern of avoidance.
What Can We Do?
It’s important to remember that seeking out professional assistance may be necessary.
For those of us trying to also address this issue at home, change also starts small:
Find or create a supportive environment to share or reflect on what is creating this pattern of school avoidance and refusal.
Work together to develop a plan to address the avoidance. Clue in trusted individuals who may be able to assist: a favorite teacher, a friend in the classroom, an academic advisor or guidance counselor, a mental health professional, etc.
Communicate often about any negative feelings that may begin to arise from being in the school environment.
Establish a routine that includes “safe” environments or coping mechanisms to address those anxious feelings when they arise at school.
Track progress and celebrate successes, no matter how small.
School avoidance is challenging, but with the proper support and patience, it can be addressed.
Written by: Remenna Xu